"I don't like being known as the guy who hangs on the girl all the time"

Hey everyone,

I love being on the breaking edge of what careers and types are considered "appropriate" for women. I'm a frontwoman in a rock band that plays bass. (props to more women who've been playing bass lately.)

I'm more of a world of warcraft nerd than 70% of the guys that play the game. 

This post just scratches the surface of what sometimes happens in a gaming environment when you're playing with mostly men. 

I'm the only woman that raids in my guild on World of Warcraft. Raiding involves killing monsters with anywhere from 10-30 other real players. It's really like working on a team project. There's coordination, scheduling, skills needed by everyone, a love and passion for what you're doing, etc. 

Like I said, I'm the only woman. I'm sure this next sentiment echoes through the numerous work places and situations where there are single women working in an environment with all men:

Some guys will hit on you. Some guys will ignore you. There are about 40% that are indifferent whether you're a girl or a guy. 

In this specific case where I'm about to let off some steam, here's the context. I have a good friend in the guild, let's call him Bob. Now our guild uses voice chat for raids and when we're all playing together as a group. Sometimes, if Bob and I were the only two playing together we would use Skype instead of the regular voice chat. No one really knew him and I used Skype. Other guildmates would see us doing dungeons and killing monsters together but other than that it wasn't anything special. 

Bob developed a liking for me, and in one fell swoop confessed his love for me. For those of you who don't know, I've done the internet dating thing before. It never works out well. Bob lives thousands of miles away from me and feelings weren't reciprocated. 

After politely explaining to him why it wouldn't work out, I became a little uncomfortable. Skyping one-on-one with a person who still has those feelings... I mean you all can probably relate. Would you want to be in a room with someone you just shot down with a really sharp arrow to the heart? 

I asked that in the future we could use the public voice chat service until things get back to normal. He then presumed to say this:

"I don't like being known as the guy who hangs on the girl all the time in the guild. [hanging out in the public voice chat] makes me reserved like I don't want to interact with you in front of people."

Way to hit me with a fireball, dude. 

It's not the first time this has happened to me, but it's definitely the first time someone has admitted this. I'm the token girl in the guild. Better watch out, I could sleep with you and everyone else in the guild because I'm female and have a vagina. 

I like being a girl. I like being feminine. Why the hell do I have to cover that up in order to play with guys or interact with them? Do I need to pretend I'm a guy to get acknowledgement in a conversation, even someone else's attention for things like just playing a video game?

A lot of this may be overboard because the burn happened thirty minutes ago, but it's still an issue I feel is important. I love the guild I play with on warcraft and I love the people in the guild. Just nasty bits like this happen sometimes, and I'm equipped to deal with it with a swift ass kicking. ;)

In short, be proud to be a woman. We're pretty damn tough to get over obstacles like this everyday. 

Now excuse me, that Bob guy's about to get a piece of my mind.

Edit: This may look like I'm being oversensitive. A lot of these feelings and situations similar to this are a culmination of playing MMOs over 10 years. To be honest, this gentleman and I are still friends. Just trying to figure out how to make him comfortable with talking to me again in front of people is going to be a process - hence why I said I'm equipped to deal with these things. ;) 

1/4 of the way there...

I thought I'd try to start writing again for a few reasons.

1)I've been sitting in the Starbucks for the past 3 hours and I'm starting to get the hipster/urban/beard-wearing blog vibes that are seeping in my old cappuccino.

2)I write lyrics all the time. While I love the coupling of song and words, sometimes lyrics are too boxed in. Sometimes you just have to let it all out in plain type.

3)A LOT IS HAPPENING and I can't keep it all in.

With that said, I'm doing pretty well! I'm writing more music and trying to get back to the single life after two years of a beautiful relationship that just... yeah. I'm talking too much already! ;) I've been meeting so many new, fantastic people through all mediums - gaming, tinder, working, college. etc. Also graduating in May from Berklee. WHAT.

I'm still playing World of Warcraft. The game has so many politics of its own! I'm playing a discipline priest and I'm the BIGGEST nerd when it comes to simulating numbers/bubbles/raid healing. Shameless armory plug here 

I've also been twitching, as I like to call it, while I raid. Yep, that's my bedroom. You might think it's clean. It's all just green screen. ;)

The band's been doing well! If you live in outer space, we've changed our name to 95Hyde. We're actually a Van Halen cover band now. (Jon persuaded us.) I wear spandex, chain mail bikinis, and a perm at all times.

Kidding. Seriously though we're writing more hard rock music and playing a couple shows this April. I'll keep ya posted.

All in all, I just... need another outlet. I don't really mind if no one reads this, it's more for my own sanity than anything else. If I can't get things out here, I'll just spew it all out to my friends who are already sick of my ramblings. ;)

I'll see if I can separate these posts so if people -do decide to read- them, there will be separate sections for warcraft, band, life, etc.

-Jessica